Funny Inspirational Quotes

If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay home.

The difference between an optimist and a pessimist? An optimist laughs to forget, but a pessimist forgets to laugh.

We were very aggressive, and when we're aggressive, it's hard to stop us.

You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because you might not get there.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't make them all yourself.

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

When I want to know what France thinks, I ask myself.

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

Do not use a cannon to kill a mosquito.

To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

So, if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected, let's start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I'm not confused. I'm just well mixed.

Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.

I try to stick to a vegan diet heavy on fruit and vegetables.

A man who does not think and plan long ahead will find trouble right at his door.

The perfecting of one's self is the fundamental base of all progress and all moral development.

The superior man acts before he speaks, and afterwards speaks according to his action.

I make more mistakes than anyone else I know, and sooner or later, I patent most of them.

In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.

Even the gods love jokes.

To see and listen to the wicked is already the beginning of wickedness.

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her.

I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet.

An empty head is not really empty; it is stuffed with rubbish. Hence the difficulty of forcing anything into an empty head.

It's not whether you win or lose - but whether I win or lose.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Wise men learn more from fools than fools from the wise.

Do not be in a hurry to succeed. What would you have to live for afterwards? Better make the horizon your goal; it will always be ahead of you.

Let your food be your medicine, and your medicine be your food.

Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?

Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

I was never a Certified Public Accountant. I just had a degree in accounting. It would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.

There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.

You never came out the way you came in.

Excessive animal protein is at the core of many chronic diseases.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and say the opposite.

Any fool can carry on, but a wise man knows how to shorten sail in time.

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you have.

If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'