Funny Inspirational Quotes

Marriage is not about age; it's about finding the right person.

You don’t need to be a completely complete human right now … That’s what makes you human.

Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars.

A skeptic is a person who, when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it is a forgery.

You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.

When anybody laughs, he has no mind, no thought, no problem, no suffering.

A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.

People travel to faraway places to watch, in fascination, the kind of people they ignore at home.

Do not worry about not holding high position; worry rather about playing your proper role. Worry not that no one knows of you; seek to be worth knowing.

If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.

When you're riding, only the race in which you're riding is important.

Linux is only free if your time has no value.

Out of sight of land the sailor feels safe. It is the beach that worries him.

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.

The decathlon is nine Mickey Mouse events and the 1500 metres.

Concentration is the ability to think about absolutely nothing when it is absolutely necessary.

We have so much time and so little to do. Strike that, reverse it.

Sailors, with their built in sense of order, service and discipline, should really be running the world.

If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.

Some people underestimate how erotic it is to be understood.

Television – a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.

Wind is to us what money is to life on shore.

There'll be two dates on your tombstone and all your friends will read 'em but all that's gonna matter is that little dash between 'em.

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass.

Nature itself is the best physician.

The effect of sailing is produced by a judicious arrangement of the sails to the direction of the wind.

On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.

It's hard to take over the world when you sleep 20 hours a day.

Only become a musician if there is absolutely no other way you can make a living.

Women like silent men. They think they're listening.

In my world, everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!

I hate storms, but calms undermine my spirits.

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.

Las Vegas is the only place I know where money really talks--it says, Goodbye.

If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job.

The rest of the world lives to eat, while I eat to live.

When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.

There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides.

The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.

Most people are willing to take the Sermon on the Mount as a flag to sail under, but few will use it as a rudder by which to steer.

When someone says, "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I want done," give him a lollipop.

Truth is what stands the test of experience.

The superior man makes the difficulty to be overcome his first interest; success only comes later.

Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.

My dream was to be either a volleyball player or a veterinarian.

The lunatic fringe wags the underdog.

If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck.

I think there's something odd about eating another living anything.

If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay home.