Affection Quotes

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is at all times? A widow.

My wife and I just celebrated our twelfth anniversary. I'm Catholic so there's no real possibility of divorce. I'm Irish - so there is the possibility of murder.

Arguing with my wife is like this: "I came! I saw! I concurred!"

Our marriage is based on compromise-he admits he's wrong and I forgive him.

My wife and I have many arguments but she only wins half of them. My mother-in-law wins the other half.

I can always tell what kind of a time I'm having at a party by the look on my wife's face.

A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it.

When I met Jean I felt God reach down out of the sky pull my hair and say "This one dummy."

They were married for better or worse. He couldn't have done better and she couldn't have done worse.

The man who boasts he never made a mistake is often married to the woman who did.

You can easily tell he's a newlywed because he's still smiling at his mother-in-law.

You need that guy like a giraffe needs a strep throat.

When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason - there's a reason.

This is a perfect pair - he's a hypochondriac and she's a pill.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years-I didn't want to interrupt her.

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours free Retin-A.

Advice to son: Never confuse "I love you" with "I want to marry you."

God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman and God help him still more if he finds her.

My husband yells comments like "How long till you're ready? Throw out a date."

After paying for the wedding about all a father has left to give away is the bride.

She represents the country Alamonia.

A wedding invitation is sent by people who have been saying "Do we have to ask them?" to people whose first response is "How much do you think we have to spend on them?"

You may marry the man of your dreams ladies but fourteen years later you're married to a couch that burps.

The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prison they let you play Softball on the weekends.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce murder yes but divorce never.

Let me give you an idea how long ago they got married. You know where they met? . . . At a Cubs World Series game.

You might try doing what my folks did. Twice a week they would go out for a special meal. . . with wine good food and soft lighting. Dad took Tuesday and Mom took Thursday.

He had a great sound system - but he didn't know much about fidelity.

Getting married is a good deal like going to a restaurant with your friends. You order what you want and then when you see what the other fellow got you wish you had taken that.

Prenuptial agreement: Paper a lawyer prepares to protect the party of the first part from the party of the second part should they discover the party's over.

After our honeymoon I felt like a new man. She said she did too.

We've never been happier. Things are great. . . I just don't go into her part of the house.

My wife divorced me because of illness. She got sick of me.

We split up over religious differences - she worshiped money . . . and I didn't have any.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first divorced me and the second won't.

For their last anniversary she gave him a set of luggage - packed.

God this request isn't for me it's for my mom. . . . Could you send her a son-in-law?

Somehow there was a lack of communication - She thought he said: "Till debt do us part."

A faithful husband is one whose alimony check is always on time.

The clearest explanation for the failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible that is one is male and the other female.

A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce I think I'm about a hundred thousand dollars short.

My sister started to smell trouble when on the second day of her honeymoon the groom started asking for separate checks.

I've married a few people I shouldn't have but haven't we all?

Not all of his relationships were meant to end . . . Once he sent a postcard and inadvertently wrote "Wish you were her."

Going shopping with your husband is like his going fishing with the game warden.

My wife and I had words - but I never got to use mine.

'Tis not love's going hurts my days but that it went in little ways.

After all my erstwhile dear my no longer cherished need we say it was no love just because it perished?

Alas! how light a cause may move dissention between hearts that love!

Immature love says "I love you because I need you." Mature love says "I need you because I love you."