Terry Pratchett Quotes

only to people!' shouted Rincewind. He drew his sword and, with a smooth overarm throw, completely failed to hit the troll.

... the food was good solid stuff for a cold morning, all calories and fat and protein and maybe a vitamin crying softly because it was all alone.

That's what I don't like about magic, it does everything by magic!

WHERE'S MY COW? ARE YOU MY COW?

Shoes, men, coffins; never accept the first one you see.

Sometimes you had to take a look at yourself and then look away.

People like that don't need a reason apart from "because I can". They have a nightmare and try to make it happen.

You can't trust folk songs. They always sneak up on you.

Mort was already aware that love made you feel hot and cold and cruel and weak, but he hadn't realized that it could make you stupid.

But what's worth more than gold?" "Practically everything. You, for example. Gold is heavy. Your weight in gold is not very much gold at all. Aren't you worth more than that?

Her singing always cheered him up. Life seemed so much brighter when she stopped.

It’s quite easy to accidentally overhear people talking downstairs if you hold an upturned glass to the floorboards and accidentally put your ear to it.

Apes had it worked out. No ape would philosophize, "The mountain is, and is not." They would think, "The banana is. I will eat the banana. There is no banana. I want another banana.

Nanny Ogg could see the future in the froth on a beer mug. It invariably showed that she was going to enjoy a refreshing drink which she almost certainly was not going to pay for.

It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying.

If there's one thing that really annoys a god, it's not knowing something.

It was written in some holy book, apparently, so that made it okay, and probably compulsory.

They were also slightly less intelligent than he was. This is a quality you should always pray for in your would-be murderer.

He’sh mad?’ ‘Sort of mad. But mad with lots of money.’ ‘Ah, then he can’t be mad. I’ve been around; if a man hash lotsh of money he’sh just ecshentric.

Tʜᴇʀᴇ's ɴᴏ ᴊᴜsᴛɪᴄᴇ, ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ's ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴍᴇ. —Death

For example, the dwarfs found out how to turn lead into gold by doing it the hard way. The difference between that and the easy way is that the hard way works.

That's one form of magic, of course." "What, just knowing things?" "Knowing things that other people don't know.

There were two ways of looking at the world, but only one when you are starving.

Money makes people rich; it is a fallacy to think it makes them better, or even that it makes them worse. People are what they do, and what they leave behind.

If you had enough money, you could hardly commit crimes at all. You just perpetrated amusing little peccadilloes.

A horse's skull always looks scary, even if someone has put lipstick on it.

We live and learn, or, perhaps more importantly we learn and live.

Thinking. This book contains some. Whether you try it at home is up to you.

Nac Mac Feegle! The Wee Free Men! Nae king! Nae quin! Nae laird! Nae master! We willna' be fooled again!

I wish that the people who sing about the deeds of heroes would think about the people who have to clear up after them.

Anyway, just because you're sworn enemies doesn't mean you can't be friends, does it?

Just because you've got a mind like a hammer doesn't mean you have to treat everyone else like a nail

Science fiction is fantasy with bolts painted on outside.

Sometimes the only thing you could do for people was to be there.

You have to have really wide reading habits and pay attention to the news and just everything that's going on in the world: you need to. If you get this right, then the writing is a piece of cake.

The kind of accidents you prefer to call...accidents.

Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards because a refusal often offends, I read somewhere.

Aliens don't get stuck in air ducts. It's practically a well-known fact.

Are you a philosopher? Where's your sponge?

I'm mean and turf and I'm mean and turf and I'm mean and turf and I'm mean and turf, And me an' my friends can walk towards you with our hats on backwards in a menacing way, Yo!

What do you call those things at the bottom of rivers? Frogs? Stones? Unsuccessful gangsters?

Probably the last sound heard before the Universe folded up like a paper hat would be someone saying, "What happens if I do this?"

Every procedure for getting a cat to take a pill works fine - once. Like the Borg, they learn.

If my father could have sat up in bed and said goodbye, I'd have pressed the button. I wouldn't have been able to see for crying, but I would have considered that a duty.

Making money isn't something to be ashamed of. There's a feeling now that if you have money you must have got it by some kind of shady dealing or being an MP.

It's hard to be famous and alive.

Ninety percent of true love is acute, ear-burning embarrassment.

Magic is just a way of saying 'I don't know.'

I'm referred to, I see, as 'the biggest banker in modern publishing'. Now there's a line that needed the celebrated Guardian proof-reading.

I reckon that Stonehege was build by the contemporary equivalent of Microsoft, whereas Avebury was definitely an Apple circle.