Terry Pratchett Quotes

Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often students, for heaven's sake.

Up until now I'd always though RSI meant 'I hate my damn job'.

You will have to look a long way before you find a bunch of scum-suckers more greedy, humourless and deserving of death than the suits in the music business.

There are no inconsistencies in the Discworld books; ocassionally, however, there are alternate pasts.

One day I'll be dead and THEN you'll all be sorry.

I stroll along, talk, I sign books, people buy me drinks, I forget where my hotel is, I get lost and fall into some local body of water... done it hundreds of times.

It's a god-eat-god world.

The labyrinth of Ephebe is ancient and full of one hundred and one amazing things you can do with hidden springs, razor-sharp knives, and falling rocks.

When you read, I'm sure you don't realize that your eyes are going backwards and forwards and to this place and that place. Mine don't do that.

I'm not really good at fun-to-know, human interest stuff. We're not 'celebrities', whose life itself is a performance. Good or bad or ugly, we are our words. They're what people meet.

One thing that writers have in common is that they are readers first. They have read lots and lots of stuff, because they're just infested with lots of stuff.

The only superstition I have is that I must start a new book on the same day that I finish the last one, even if it's just a few notes in a file. I dread not having work in progress.

Everywhere I look, I see something holy.

These people were not only cheering, they were throwing flowers and hats. The hats were made of stone, but the thought was there.

She was a beefy young woman and, whatever piece of music she was playing, it was definitely losing.

And our lady friend, she thinks life works like a fairy tale.' Well, that’s harmless, isn’t it?' Yeah, but in fairy tales, when someone dies... it’s just a word.

All the higher life forms scythed away, just like that. [ . . . ] Nothing but dust and fundamentalists.

Dedication: My thanks to the people who showed me that opera was stranger than I could imagine. I can best repay their kindness by not mentioning their names here.

Tell someone you are going to rob them and all that will happen is that you'll get a reputation as a truthful man.

Death strode away, stopped, and came back. He pointed a skeletal finger at The Duck Man. WHY, he said, ARE YOU WALKING AROUND WITH THAT DUCK? "What duck?" AH. SORRY.

A weapon you held and didn't know how to use belonged to your enemy.

There was no himself in himself.

It is said that the Devil has all the best tunes. This is broadly true. But Heaven has the best choreographers

And the new day was a great big fish.

The thing about stories is you have to pick the ones that last.

You know, I never imagined there were he-dryads. Not even in an oak tree." One of the giants grinned at him. Druellae snorted. "Stupid! Where do you think acorns come from?

People wanted the world to be a story, because stories had to sound right and they had to make sense. People wanted the world to make sense.

Other people salted away money for their old age, but Nanny preferred to accumulate memories.

Whatever you choose, your choice will mean there are two new worlds. And perhaps sometimes, on the edge of sleep, we will see the shadow of the other world. There will be no unhappy memories.

This is Morbidia," said Vlad. "Although she's been calling herself Tracy lately, to be cool.

The girls were expected to grow up to be somebody's wife. They were also expected to read and write, those being considered soft indoor jobs that were too fiddly for the boys.

And all the stories had, somewhere, the witch. The wicked old witch. And Tiffany had thought: Where's the evidence?

People's whole lives do pass in front of their eye before they die. The process is called "Living".

Who'd want a pony when you could have the whole universe? It was far more interesting and you didn't have to muck it out once a week.

The most important thing was that time had passed, pouring thousands of soothing seconds across the island. People need time to deal with the now before it runs away and becomes the then.

When I am old I shall wear midnight.

Some people are heroes. And some people jot down notes.

Ye ken, we've been robbin' and running aroound on all kinds o' worlds for a lang time, and I'll tell ye this: The universe is a lot more comp-li-cated than it looks from the ooutside.

See a pin and pick it up, and, all day long, you'll have a pin.

If you want to change a whole people, then you start with the girls. It stands to reason: they learn faster, and they pass on what they learn to their children.

People are often so busy living that they never stop to wonder why.

You can't kill me, I've got a magic... AAAARGH !

Next comes the realist phase ("After all, from a purely geometrical point of view a cat is only a tube with a door at the top.")

But ye gotta know where ye're just gonna rush in. Ye cannae just rush in anywhere. It looks bad, havin' to rush oout again straight awa'.

Things just happen. What the hell.

The Kappamaki, a whaling research ship, was currently researching the question: How many whales can you catch in one week?

The space between the young reader’s eyeballs and the printed page is a holy place and officialdom should trample all over it at their peril.’

What's money interested in? More money.

The students were staring at her in the manner of those who have heard of the species 'female' but have never expected to get this close to one.

Some of them wanted to sell me snake oil and I'm not necessarily going to dismiss all of these, as I have never found a rusty snake.