Probably the last sound heard before the Universe folded up like a paper hat would be someone saying, "What happens if I do this?"

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Every kid I knew had a father with a little stash of men's magazines which the father thought was secret and which the kid knew all about.

I am a very lucky guy. I can testify before Congress. I can raise funds. I can raise awareness.

When a madman appears thoroughly sane, indeed, it is high time to put him in a straight jacket.

One thing I encourage a lot of people to realize and do is to just have an adventure.

If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.

With a film, you know the beginning, middle and end of your character's arc. But on a TV show, you have no idea where they're going to end up.

Use all the willpower at your disposal to make yourself happy. Construct the right stories about yourself - and believe them!

One of society's absurd delusions is that the spending of money can cure something.

So, I think I'd be grateful for the next job. I always am. And I always consider everything I do to be the last thing I do.

I propose that 100,000 degenerate Britons should be forcibly sterilized and others put in labour camps to halt the decline of the British race.