Terry Pratchett Quotes

His sister had been sent down to the village to ask Mistress Garlick the witch how you stopped spelling recommendation.

Real children do not go hoppity skip unless they are on drugs.

Now he knew: They were real. Who’d make up a thing like this? Okay, one of them was a cheese that rolled around of its own accord, but nobody was perfect.

Someone got killed up here.... It was outside. A tall man. He had one leg longer’n the other. And a beard. He was probably a hunter." "How’d you know all that?" "I just trod on ‘im.

If you don't know when to be a human being, you don't know when to be a witch.

Chances are where you find them

Knowing things is magical, if other people don't know them.

In defiance of Miss Maccalariat I'd like to commit hanky-panky with you, Miss Adora Belle Dearheart... well, certainly hanky, and possibly panky when we get to know one another better.

Lessee...he'd gone off after the funeral and gotten drunk. No, not drunk, another word, ended with "er." Drunker. that was it.

Silverfish looked down. "Oh. Are you a dwarf?" Cuddy gave him a blank stare. "Are you a giant?" he said. "Me? Of course not!" "Ah. Then I must be a dwarf, yes."

Cake is not the issue here.

I was just a kid then. But I won't forget. Nor will others. There's lots of people with reason to hate the Church.

You'll see! We're going to the palace. Fetch Angua. We might need her. And bring the search warrant. You mean the sledgehammer, sir? Yes.

He felt that the darkness was full of unimaginable horrors - and the trouble with unimaginable horrors was that they were only too easy to imagine.

Never cross a woman with a star on a stick, young lady. They've got a mean streak.

Because some stories end, but old stories go on, and you gotta dance to the music if you want to stay ahead

This wasn't food - it was what food became if it had been good and gone to food heaven.

Moist was sure doctors keep skeletons around to cow patients. Nyer, nyer, we know what you look underneath.

If he'd been a hero, he would have taken the opportunity to say, "That's what I call sorted!" Since he wasn't a hero, he threw up.

Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?" "Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.

What did they feed the lions and tigers with in the ark, sir?

I would not like it thought that I do not buy my own paperclips, sir. I enjoy owning my own paperclips. It means they are mine.

The trouble with thinking was that, once you started, you went on doing it.

What was the point of education, he thought, if people went out afterward and used it?

It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country," he read. "This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind.

There was a man and he had eight sons. Apart from that, he was nothing more than a comma on the page of History. It's sad, but that's all you can say about some people.

Susan says, don't get afraid, get angry.

Oh, well...up until now it had been a good day, in a horrible kind of way.

In Genua, someone set out to make dreams come true. Remember some of your dreams?

Life is a trick, and you get one chance to learn it.

She was convinced that she was anorexic, because every time she looked in the mirror she did indeed see a fat person.

Strength enough to build a home, Time enough to hold a child, Love enough to break a heart

You were the kind of kid who couldn't see the difference between throwing rocks at a cat and setting it on fire.

It's a sword. said the Hogfather. They're not meant to be safe.

Although she was aware that somewhere under her complicated strata of vests and petticoats there was some skin, that didn't mean to say she approved of it.

Gods play games with the fates of men. But first they have to get all the pieces on the board and look all over the place for the dice.

He moved on, in the centre of a widening circle. He wasn't an enemy, he was a nemesis.

Steal five dollars and you're a common thief. Steal thousands and you're either the government or a hero.

Yes, sir, thank you, sir, and I wouldn’t trust me one little inch, sir. I knows a bad one when I sees them. I have a mirror.

Don't stick your nose where someone can pull it off and eat it.

He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe. Which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.

[...] the awesome splendor of the universe is much easier to deal with if you think of it as a series of small chunks.

I don't regret it, you know. I would do it all again. Children are our hope for the future." THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THE FUTURE, said Death. "What does it contain, then?" ME.

...the little man's total obliviousness to all forms of danger somehow made danger so discouraged that it gave up and went away.

There would be a price... But if you were worried about the price, then why were you in the shop?

Neither claimed any responsibility for Milton Keynes, but both reported it as a success.

You take a bunch of people who don't seem any different from you and me, but when you add them all together you get this sort of huge raving maniac with national borders and an anthem.

Their families cordially detested one another.

Destiny is important, see, but people go wrong when they think it controls them. It's the other way around.

I never said nothing..." "I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!