Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

With grace and beauty, feel.

... though he [Michael Faraday] took no cities, he captivated all hearts.

Whatever it is that you're afraid of, I'll stand between you and it my whole life.

The only prejudice I've found anywhere in TV is in some advertising agencies, and there isn't so much prejudice as just fear.

I foresee a great funeral contest over me.

If you start to think of your physical and moral condition, you usually find that you are sick.

It's strange with graffiti. You put a lot out, but you don't get that much back because not many people know who's doing it. You have your peers of about 10 guys who know you are the one painting.

You guard against decay, in general, and stagnation, by moving, by continuing to move.

'If only' is the excuse of the loser; 'I can' is the affirmation of the winner.

In my proper character, an officer of the United States army.