You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour.

Race, Religion, Ethnic Pride, Nationalism does nothing but teach you how to hate people you have never met

You never hear in the news, "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north."

If you're offended by any word in any language, it's probably because your parents were unfit to raise a child.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.

I am a very mediocre intellect, at best, and I am smarter than most people I know - and that terrifies me.

Shouldn't the long-term goal of any society be complete unemployment?

One UK paper described me as a "miserablist", a word I'd never heard before or since. I looked it up and it means someone who can only be happy when they are miserable. Perfect.

I think a lot of women look at prostitutes like they're scabs crossing an union picket line, where they go: You can't just go out and sell it for what it's worth, we're holding out for so much more!

What if I don't want a leader? Where does that vote go? I do good on my own. I don't want to be led.

While wisdom dictates the need for education, education does not necessarily make one wise.

And if you're not buying my dinnner or you think you fancy, you're not getting a date with The Miz!

We have treatments for disturbed persons, Nicholas. But, at least for the time being, we have no treatment for disturbing persons.

Happiness lies in conquering one's enemies, in driving them in front of oneself, in taking their property, in savoring their despair, in outraging their wives and daughters.

Control of vibrato helps your musical expression.

Inference is always an invasion of the unknown, a leap from the known.

I'm 84 years old. Don't let the altar-boy face fool you.

I love gentiles. In fact, on of my favorite activities is Protestant spotting.

When I was 15, I made a solo record. It made Artie very unhappy. He looked upon it as something of a betrayal.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.