You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

I think so, ” she [Claire] said. “Just watch your back, okay?” “Nah, Michael’s got mine.” He [Shane] looked straight into her eyes.“I’ve got yours.

Foolishness is darkness.

Rehashing the past wouldn't change anything. Time to move forward.

In 1904, 20 per cent of journeys were made by bicycle in London. I want to see a figure like that again. If you can't turn the clock back to 1904, what's the point of being a Conservative?

Once I finished, I got that procrastination monkey off my back! And I started seeing doors opening.

There's a sense of productivity which cripples us terribly. We either have to be doing something worthwile or not. We are back to our little binary male-female code.

These are two opposing forces, and whenever I am in active politics, I stop writing. And when I'm writing, I don't politick.

Beauty, like truth, is relative to the time when one lives and to the individual who can grasp it.

When God gives you comforts, it is your great evil not to observe His hand in them.

Of course, all my work is photographed and I also take quite a lot of photographs of work in production.