You can email me, but I prefer letters that come through conventional mail. I like letters that have been licked by strangers.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

The prospect of being pleased tomorrow will never console me for the boredom of today.

I prefer to have all of this apparatus - historical, literary, critical - and then, beyond initial innocence and naiveté, to try to achieve a new innocence, a new naiveté.

Basically, men are afraid of women and can’t handle the fact that they came out of the same thing they spend the rest of their lives trying to get back into.

To be inspired is the ultimate antidote to existential despair.

That's my main thing: I want to be on the level those guys [Derrick Rose,Russell Westbrook, Kevin Durant] are on.

Popular culture is filled with girls.

The spiritual journey is one of continuous learning and purification. When you know this, you become humble.

I no longer believe that just about everything is funny, if viewed from the proper angle.

The violinist is that peculiarly human phenomenon distilled to a rare potency---half tiger,half poet.