Yesterday was not only daylight saving time, but also International Women's Day. What better way to address the issue of inequality for women than giving them a day that's missing an hour.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.

Fill your heart with truth so that the wisdom of Christ will flow fluently from you like a living river moving into the seeking hearts of the thirsty.

If your dreams don't match your actions, you can either change your dreams or change your actions.

Walking with God down the avenue of prayer we acquire something of His likeness, and unconsciously we become witnesses to others of His beauty and His grace.

I love him who is ashamed when the dice fall in his favour, and who then asketh: "Am I a dishonest player?" - for he is willing to succumb.

Pelagianism is the natural heresy of zealous Christians who are not interested in theology.

Happiness is the cessation of suffering. Well-being.

There is no greater punishment of wickedness that that it is dissatisfied with itself and its deeds.

If I behave as though this is a completely normal situation, then maybe it will be.

You can never forget the people who were always there for you from the beginning.