Writing is so hard. Why would you be a writer if you weren't really good at it? If you could be anything else, why would you be a writer?

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

Turn your weakness into your richness.

How many rivers do we have to cross, Before we can talk to the boss?

Grief is itself a med'cine.

To my mind the boy who gives least promise is one in whom the critical faculty develops in advance of the imagination.

I can do everything I want to do.

I have no trouble sleeping.

If you dare to injure her in the least, I will await you where no policeman can step in between. And God shall judge between us two.

Music reminds us that the universe loves us

The English like eccentrics. They just don't like them living next door.

How much would you pay...for the Universe?