While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of "Yeah, we might have to reboot."

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

To trust in your own aliveness, in your own ability to sustain and be sustained - there are times when there is no greater act of defiance.

We look for pretty girls we can say bad things to. No one shows up.

Fornication is a snare that a person sets for himself.

Your genome sequence will become a vital part of your medical record, thereby providing critical information about how to optimize your wellness.

When I was younger, I felt it was my duty to wake people up. I thought poetry was asleep. I thought rock 'n' roll was asleep.

My dad knows how to tell a story. He'd make me laugh by doing all the different voices.

Nobody has achievements like this ... you cannot name a Canadian prime minister who has done as many significant things as I did, because there are none.

I consider those are rich who are doing something they feel worthwhile and which they enjoy doing.

Boundary lines, of any type, are never found in the real world itself, but only in the imagination of the mapmakers.

The further one goes, the less (he realizes he) one knows.