When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Measuring your limits is only possible with the unit called Imagination.

I definitely don't feel a sense of jealousy or competition, and that's a really good feeling.

Knowing the Truth is Fairly Useless. Feeling it is Profound. Living it Makes All the Difference.

Any audience that gets a laugh out of me gets it while I'm facing them

God is, as it were, the sewer into which all contradictions flow.

I try to find nice chord changes, that's how I love to start, and then I start trying to knock it into a song, knock it into shape.

Let the world be as it is and learn to rock with the waves.

I think people keep baseballs in their cars, just to be prepared in case they see me. It's cool to get recognized in public; it's an incredible feeling.

We came here for a small, informal meeting. We find you've turned it into a circus. Well, if you're going to have a circus, you've got to have elephants.

On my early trips to London and Paris, in 2009, I started to shift to more wide-brimmed felt hats similar to Borsalinos and Stetsons.