When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Reconciliation without truth is nothing but a smokescreen

The world of possibilities surround you, if thy will look.

For all its accolades and celebrated recognition as sound guidance, I have personally noticed that sometimes, 'follow your heart, ' is really bad advice.

I believe that those who knew me [in my youth] took me for an eccentric.

I learned by experience that you can change your circumstance. It's as simple as the serenity prayer; it's a very, very real thing.

I'm a Nietzschean about human nature. The bulk of humanity is exhausted and superfluous, miscreant, confused, latently criminal, opportunistic. I rely on that. That's leverage, man.

I knew Jimi (Hendrix) and I think that the best thing you could say about Jimi was: there was a person who shouldn't use drugs.

From beginning to end, the novel [Dissemblers] took about three and a half years to write. I didn't write it chronologically.

Glory ought to be the consequence, not the motive of our actions.

Some people just derive great joy from making other people laugh. And I do, but I don't feel like I need to do it 24 hours a day.