When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Do not judge. But pray for grace for all people.

But why always think the worst of people? What would she be doing to herself if she adopted that attitude to life? It was better to think the best and be wrong than to think the worst and be wrong.

It was my turn to be silent while a small family of moments crossed my path, single file, from the left, sticking their tongues out at me.

This life is like a swimming pool. You dive into the water, but you can't see how deep it is.

My best jokes are so cheap. All I do is say things sarcastically.

If UEFA will not embrace video technology, then we need two more officials behind the goals to help the referee.

Among all the tragic consequences of depression and war, this suppression of personal self-expression through one's life work is among the most poignant.

I am really the victim of other people's imagination.

My act has always reflected what's going on in my life.

The year's in wane; There is nothing adorning; The night has no eve, And the day has no morning; Cold winter gives warning!