When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

You could have agreed to disagree, ” Megan argued. “Then you could kiss and make up. That could be fun.

Smile, look invested, and when you hand in certain projects, say you enjoyed working on them.

Pretty soon I'll start worrying about [my fame] because [my children] carry my name and they have that exposure. The whole thing is, they never asked for it, that kingdom.

I took a month long vacation in the stratosphere, and you know it's very hard to hold your breath.

I just wanted to write something about running, but I realized that to write about my running is to write about my writing. It's a parallel thing in me.

Growing up takes longer than you think.

I was going to be a teacher and improve the world. Teach people with hooks for hands to fingerpaint, and teach bums to draw happy faces on beads.

I played with Arthur Godfrey for about a year and a half.

No matter the time, carried away the wind is Better your absence Thy indifference.

If the opportunity is not out there for you to play it, then you don't see it.