What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.

I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

I don't speak French, but I took it for five years growing up. So, if I were in a situation where I had to be, like, 'Excuse me, pineapple dog house red, what time is it library?' - no problem.

If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.

A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.

What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.

In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?

Time is your acquaintance. Life is your friend. Death is your opponent. Eternity is your companion.

The movies I like are always movies where cinema is reinvented like if it was the beginning of cinema.

I went to school on a military base in Germany. I got a lot of my clothes at the army surplus store.

Make love, take love, but you should give love. And try to live love.

Misfortunes, untoward events, lay open, disclose the skill of a general, while success conceals his weakness, his weak points.

Rapping is a vocal delivery, so you can do it without being part of hip-hop and not knowing what hip-hop is about.

It's very rare that an older comedian sort of slips into an old-school clunker. You know, you don't hear too much of that anymore.

What good does the theory [of economics] do if it is not working for people?

Please don't invent a debt that does not exist, or next you will be trying to feel gratitude - and that is the treacherous first step toward complete moral degradation.

Domald Trump has whatever it is that works on television.