What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

I don't speak French, but I took it for five years growing up. So, if I were in a situation where I had to be, like, 'Excuse me, pineapple dog house red, what time is it library?' - no problem.

If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.

A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.

What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.

In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

Is the square root of hate the same thing as love times love?

How could one leap on the back of life and wring its scruff?

Expect the unexpected from the expected is key to happiness though they will be far

They tell us variety is the spice of life - and yet diversity terrifies them.

I know a good many people, I think, who are bigots, and who know they are bigots, and are sorry for it, but they dare not be anything else.

I'd experimented with so many different types of music. I had these folky songs I'd written and recorded, but something wasn't quite right.

The incessant anxiety and strain of some is a well-nigh incurable form of disease. We are made to exaggerate the importance of what we do; and yet how much is not done by us!

In all I wish, how happy should I be, Thou grand Deluder, were it not for thee? So weak thou art that fools thy power despise; And yet so strong, thou triumph'st o'er the wise.

We do need to confront evil in this world, but we do need to work with the other nation.

I always try to have something that keeps my mind relaxed, keeps my mind a little bit off tennis.

I like what I do. So why would I want to stop doing it?