We're first on executions. We're 49th in funding public education. We're in a race with Mississippi for the bottom, and we're winning.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

Plant spacious parks in your cities, and loose their gates as wide as the morning, to the whole people.

Spend unbroken chunks of time with the most important people in your life.

The essence of wisdom, from a practical standpoint, is pausing long enough to look at our lives-invitations, opportunities, relationships-from God's perspective. And then acting on it

I loved learning, it was school I hated. I used to cut school to go learn something.

Whether you fail or set the world on fire cannot make so very much difference if only you have the opportunity to try for it, to work for it, to think of nothing else!

Whatever you want to teach, be brief.

I will not be modest. Humble, as much as you like, but not modest. Modesty is the virtue of the lukewarm.

This is so much fun, but I’m so sleepy. To be continued?

Boldness in itself is genius.

How use doth breed a habit in a man.