Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

Politics is the only field in which the more experience you have, the worse you get.

You don’t need to be perfect

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Never trust anyone who tells you how people come to trust him

My brain was about two eggs past fried.

When you get mad, it's the time you lose

You have a great potential. Explore your special skills.

If you want to be successful, find someone who has already done it and do it the same way they did.

Making stuff up is the worst thing a journalist can do. Plagiarizing is the second worst.

They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.

You don't BOO an Olympic Gold Medalist!

I lived my twenties in a very public manner and if anyone's twenties are documented it's not always going to be pretty.