We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.

It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?

You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can't have a favorite. Can't let them know know if you do. I don't. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.

In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story

If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.

I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.

We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.

When I'm ready, I plan to adopt. I still believe in family.

Those far distant, storm-beaten ships, upon which the Grand Army never looked, stood between it and the dominion of the world.

Take your work seriously, but don't take yourself seriously

When you're in young love your pulse pounds, your palms sweat, and there are butterflies in your stomach. It's like diarrhea for your heart.

The English sent all their bores abroad, and acquired the Empire as a punishment.

There are highly gifted spirits who are always infertile simply because, owing to a weakness in temperament, they are too impatient to wait out their pregnancy to term.

All the choices we make in our life are pointless. There’s no escaping the inevitable.

The time comes in the life of any nation when there remains only two choices - submit or fight.

I shall take my voice wherever there are those who want to hear the melody of freedom

I first saw the site for Disneyland back in 1953, In those days it was all flat land - no rivers, no mountains, no castles or rocket ships - just orange groves, and a few acres of walnut trees.