You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can't have a favorite. Can't let them know know if you do. I don't. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.

It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?

In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story

If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.

People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.

I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.

We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.

Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped more coin in a casino than Michael J. Fox at a parking meter.

Whatever you dream of, be bold and pursue it.

Stubborn and ardent clinging to one's opinion is the best proof of stupidity.

A wise woman knows how to summon her courage and do what is right, rather than what is easy.

There are only two excuses you can use for missing rugby training - death and docking!

There was no language barrier when it came to kids, and when it came to play.

Playing the running back position, your legs, that's your living, that's how you make your living. You have to have great thighs, knees, everything.

There's always a way through things if you work hard enough and look close. It all depends on your level of determination.

If you are not curious, that's when your brain is starting to die. And discovering, I think, that's what separates us from the rest of the other species. It's that we discover and pioneer.

I've never really been one to stop and smell the roses.

April is the cruellest month.