Vampires probably don't have great breath.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Nobody's innocent... but that doesn't reset the bar on guilt.

I see dull people as projects ... to be reformed

She'll kill me if she finds you in here. Can you climb trees? Tell me you can climb a tree!"Patch grinned, "I can fly.

In my view, the best gift is one that benefits both the receiver and the planet.

When I sang the line, 'Songs about Old Ireland.Songs about being young again.I wish I was young again,' twice people cried. I saw them.

If you haven't read Alan Fletcher's The Art of Looking Sideways you should be arrested for calling yourself a Designer

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.

I don't know how people live without coffee, I really don't.

Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.

I've had such an odd career.