Until I was about 14, I was a fat boy, or at least I looked like a fat boy. I think that being funny was a bit of a defence mechanism for me, so I ended up being a bit of a joker.

Health food shops can make people feel very important; it's like a brand new religion with people trying to convert you to quinoa.

I told the ambulance men the wrong blood type for my ex, so he knows what rejection feels like.

A problem shared is attention gained.

I don't know if I was funny as a child, though I always thought my parents really enjoyed listening to me sing.

I knew 'Be Our Guest' would be performed on a set and in costume, but anyone with a history in Theatre In Education will know that can mean anything.

I was a precocious child.

The strangest thing about writing a sitcom, is never knowing if it will become anything but words on a page.

If you had of told me age 10 that in 19 years time I would be on a stage in Salford performing with Les Dennis in a sitcom I had written, I would have believed you.

Oh, Sweetie. No one ever gets through their TBR list. For every book you finish, you'll add five more. That's just the way it works.

Claws grabbed his head from behind, curving round his face, serrated talons gouging into his eyes

Survival, my only hope.Success, my only revenge.Sarcasm, my only weapon.Bravery, my only shield.

The golden sunshine of Italy congealed into tears. Here's to alcoholic brotherhood ... much more suited to the frail human soul, if any, than any other sort.

I thought highly of myself growing up. I still do. There's not really much somebody can say to me to bring down my confidence or anything.

Being able to improvise is the basis for creating all characters and situations, for everything to do with performing, really. And it's good therapy as well.

My friends would certainly call me out if I didn't say that I like to create a bit of chaos and stir things up in my own life.

I am not interested in an economic liberation of man without the liberation of the whole man.

If we leave our smells behind us when we leave a room, surely something of our souls must remain when we leave this life?" - Qyburn

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.