Health food shops can make people feel very important; it's like a brand new religion with people trying to convert you to quinoa.

I told the ambulance men the wrong blood type for my ex, so he knows what rejection feels like.

A problem shared is attention gained.

Until I was about 14, I was a fat boy, or at least I looked like a fat boy. I think that being funny was a bit of a defence mechanism for me, so I ended up being a bit of a joker.

I don't know if I was funny as a child, though I always thought my parents really enjoyed listening to me sing.

I knew 'Be Our Guest' would be performed on a set and in costume, but anyone with a history in Theatre In Education will know that can mean anything.

I was a precocious child.

The strangest thing about writing a sitcom, is never knowing if it will become anything but words on a page.

If you had of told me age 10 that in 19 years time I would be on a stage in Salford performing with Les Dennis in a sitcom I had written, I would have believed you.

One of the most important rules of personal effectiveness is the 10/90 rule.

Even before I came to Chicago, I had gotten interested in the existence of dispersion of prices under conditions which economic theory said would yield a single price.

There is nothing so mortifying as to fall in love with someone who does not share one's sentiments.

Arabs and their allies are conducting a total war against Israel. A total war means a war of lies. The PA [Palestinian Authority] promotes lies; lying in Islam is permitted.

When I see everyone doing the same thing, I want to do the opposite.

That's part of fiction, creating a world better than the one you live in.

I studied every page of this book, and I didn't find enough love to fill a salt shaker. God is not love in the Bible; God is vengeance, from Alpha to Omega.

If you find something that works double down on it

We know what we told him, but we don't know what he heard.

How can you stop people from loving each other? How can you get upset about loving?