They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.

When I'm not in a relationship, I shave one leg. That way, when I sleep, it feels like I'm with a woman.

Nice guys finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.

I'm very loyal in a relationship. Any relationship. When I go out with my mom, I don't look at other moms and go, "I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like."

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead.

I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate.

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out with.

I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.

I'm very loyal in relationships. Even when I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms.

I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.

It is the vice of a vulgar mind to be thrilled by bigness.

Done well, marital sexuality can be a supremely healing experience.

History shows that no enemy remains hostile forever, nor do friends remain friendly forever. For that reason, we intend to have normal relations with all.

But anyway I think you're bionic And I don't think you're beautiful, I think you're beyond it

As long as man eats animals how can cruelty to animals be removed.

...I feel as though I made a face and the wind changed, and now I have to go through life grimacing in this horrible way.

It's bad enough wasting time without killing it.

Those who get the most out of life and those who give the most are those who make the choice to act.

The professional will not tolerate disorder... He wants the carpet vacuumed and the threshold swept, so the Muse may enter and not soil her gown.