There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone.

The impartiality of history is not that of the mirror, which merely reflects objects, but of the judge, who sees, listens, and decides.

To call someone 'anti-American', indeed, to be anti-American, is not just racist, it's a failure of the imagination.

At a certain point, I just felt, you know, God is not looking for alms, God is looking for action.

We're a family operation. There's not many of us. We have a couple people who come from time to time who work with us. Two of my sons are themselves filmmakers, and we can't afford them nor they us.

The government's Small Business Administration reports that small businesses represent 99% of all employers in the U.S. and are responsible for generating well over half of new jobs created.

Poor people have sh*tty lobbyists.

If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I'd have had them first.

You're all beautiful. And you shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise.

By what right do you refuse to accept the vote of a citizen of the United States?