Politics is just show business for ugly people.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.

You have to work on the business first before it works for you.

Life does not seem to present itself to me for my convenience, to box itself up nicely so I can write about it with wisdom and a point to make before putting it on a shelf somewhere.

Spread the sickness, infect the world.

Born a saint, die a sinner - born a sinner, die a saint.

There is no realism in American films. No realism, but something much better, great truth.

I never believed in trying to do anything. Whatever I set out to do I found I had already accomplished.

I never know when I finish the novel I am writing which will be the next novel out of the station.

It's my life and it's now or never.

I think democracy's undermined when those who own newspapers fill them with trivia rather than real issues.

When I got home from The Ozzfest in September 2000 with Methods... I just locked myself in my house and I started writing.