There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

To perceive is to suffer.

There is no such thing as a great man of God, only weak, pitiful, faithless men of a great and merciful God.

My situation gives me certain ideas about beauty or the excitement of life, but that doesn't mean other people can necessarily appreciate it.

Don't listen when they scoff That you are too old and I am young, For I am old enough to know better And you are young enough not to care.

Motion-picture studio floors used to be all wooden and not smooth at all. This was difficult when moving a camera around on a dolly.

True wisdom is plenty of experience, observation, and reflection. False wisdom is plenty of ignorance, arrogance, and impudence.

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.

God is kind, but he is not soft. He takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life change.

I'm not gone remix a record I don't got no love for.

If you have a Stradivarius and nobody to play it, it's just a Stradivarius. Or is it even that? It's nothing.