The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

You are most beautiful when your heart is full of love and your mind is soft and kind.

I’ve been more places by accident than most people have been on purpose.

I've been on the cover of "Time" magazine just about - I think it was four times now. Four times now in the last few months, and a lot of it is because of this. They've never seen this happen before.

Be guided by feeling alone. We are only simple mortals, subject to error...

Look! Nature is overflowing with the grandeur of God!

How myopic it is to view His ministry as all crucifixion and no resurrection!

Boys dream of native girls who bring breadfruit, Whatever they are.

The ignorant are to be found as much among the educated as among the uneducated.

A harmless necessary cat.

Tired with all these for restful death I cry, As to behold desert a beggar born, And needy nothing trimmed in jollity, And purest faith unhappily forsworn.