The important thing is to be drunk.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

It is often said that it’s a man’s world! We must change this fact and create this: It’s a human’s world!

A positive attitude will help you edge out cynicism and pessimism to restore hope and optimism.

For socialists, not just the wealth, but the guilt must be redistributed.

I study to learn, to be an educated person.

You may assume infinite ignorance and unlimited intelligence.

Demos are something you do in the early stages of your career, but when you get going, you just go in and record the song.

Our public monuments are memorials to the Enlightenment.

I think I have better taste now than I did then.

The thing about coming back to the Bay Area, it's like coming home for me.

It is necessary for the perfection of human society that there should be men who devote their lives to contemplation.