The European countries are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If they win gold medals, they can use them as cash.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.

The Supreme Being longs to hear His Children talk to Him every day at any time.

Theres a lot of churches that hide their dirty laundry under the rug, and I know about that from being in the church 27 years. Oh, yeah.

For me Oliver Twist is a political novel. It is a furious critique of the treatment of orphans and poor children who were forced to spend their early lives in ghastly institutions.

I could...see in Emerson...that had he lived in those days when the world was made, he might have offered some valuable suggestions.

The good, we do it; the evil, that is fortune; man is always right, and destiny always wrong.

Lady love, your love is peaceful like the summers breeze.

I want to know what my food has been eating.

The Bible says not to worry so I don't. I just get up in the morning and ask God for help to get through the day. If tomorrow shows up then I'll take the same shot tomorrow.

We have long become overgrown with calluses; we no longer hear people being killed. ("X")