That's the conditions that prevail!

Be awfully nice to them going up, because you're gonna meet them all coming down.

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

Make someone happy, Make just one someone happy, And you will be happy, too.

Everybody wants to get into the act!

My nose isn't big. I just happen to have a very small head.

All of us have schnozzles... if not in our faces, then in our character, minds or habits. When we admit our schnozzles, instead of defending them, we begin to laugh, and the world laughs with us.

Everybody wants ta get inta da act!

Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did.

Don't put no constrictions on da people. Leave 'em ta hell alone.

What did Napolean do for relaxation? He read a book. What did Lincoln do for relaxation? He read a book. What does Congress do for relaxation? They book a red.

Without prayer, life is a panic.

[A] power equal to every possible contingency must exist somewhere in the government . . .

A person's life persuades better than his word.

No amount of false propaganda can sanitize meat.

My mother was a woman who was very frustrated. She had a great deal of ability, and all this energy went into me and my brother.

We live in our own souls as in an unmapped region, a few acres of which we have cleared for our habitation; while of the nature of those nearest us we know but the boundaries that march with ours.

A sound mind in a manly body.

You're always running into people's unconscious.

Seeing someone else perform and letting me be the critic for once... that's not a bad thing.

I'm a rock star because I couldn't be a soccer star.