Tara Reid is charging $3,500 for a personal appearance fee. So, for only $3,500 you can either buy a 1998 Jetta with 130,000 miles on it... or Tara Reid, who only has 98,000 miles on her.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Put down everything that comes into your head and then you're a writer. But an author is one who can judge his own stuff's worth, without pity, and destroy most of it.", 1964)

Life is a rich literature.

Fantastic, I am very happy to be the fastest 800 metres runner in the world.

When it comes to social issues, Republicans dont just need to be more empathetic. They also need to be more emphatic in explaining to voters what they believe, and why.

What the ocean was to the child, the Periodic Table is to the chemist.

There's a lovely freedom of will when you approach a character that no one has really come across before, because it is your own interpretation.

I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.

Constructive change offers the best method for avoiding destructive change.

Love is very powerful, but it has limits and it's a costly mistake to spread it too thin.

I have a ships bed, which totally plays to my obsession of, if I were not an actress, I would be a pirate.