Study what you love, and youll never have to work a day in your life. Itll be one great adventure.

The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.

I have memories - but only a fool stores his past in the future.

Of course life is bizarre, the more bizarre it gets, the more interesting it is. The only way to approach it is to make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show.

Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be grateful it happens in that order.

Understanding the laws of nature does not mean that we are immune to their operations.

The jingling of a fat purse always commands the world.

True genius can be identified by the fact that its expression changes the world into something it has never been before.

Adolescence is that time in your life when you discover your ability to be depressed.

You will find it easiest to ride the avalanche in the direction it already travels.

The human race never solves any of its problems, it only outlives them.

There lived great souls in the history of the world.

It was the kind of library he had only read about in books.

[Liberals] are always accusing us of repressing their speech. I say let's do it. Let's repress them. ... Frankly, I'm not a big fan of the First Amendment.

I went to college to play football, not to study it.

Ecstatic absurdity: it's the confrontation with meaninglessness.

It's really the artist in me that loves the idea of an image and an image that provokes an emotion.

Reality is the name we give to our disappointments.

That's why there's so little romance in our world now: everyone thinks romance is weak.

If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.