Songwriting is the way of perpetual want. Songwriters are the blessed/cursed people. You will never have a moment's peace in your life. You will always be wanting the next song.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Between a man and a woman, betrayal is not the ultimate sin. It is the withdrawal and departure from one another devoid of a decent just!

Always listen to your soul... it speaks to you, only if you listen!

Everybody's got some sin, but if it troubles your heart you're a gentle sinner, just a good soul gone wrong.

It is not once nor twice but times without number that the same ideas make their appearance in the world.

From the passions arise worry, and from worry arises fear. Away with the passions, and no fear, no worry.

Usually, I cut songs by other people that are artists that I already love.

Critics have a problem with sentimentality. Readers do not. I write for readers.

You find the book in the process of doing it. That's the adventure of the job.

A library is a place where you can live a thousand lives. So why are you waiting when you could be living? Visit your library today.

You can literally force yourself to be courteous, happy and enthusiastic with every person you meet. After you have forced yourself to be so for a short period of time... the habit takes over.