Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

fear of change is like standing under a hot shower and knowing the moment you'll turn it off you'll be freezing cold

The most certain sign of wisdom is cheerfulness.

I guess for me Hemingway is a lot like it is for others: he goes down well when we are young.

Our possessions can be deadly. They can be subtly deadly.

I don't even know how ugly and pretty get decided.

The only gossip I'm interested in is things from the Weekly World News - 'Woman's bra bursts, 11 injured'. That kind of thing.

It's only in hindsight that you realize what indeed your childhood was really like.

Love is like falconry," he said. "Don't you think that's true, Cleveland?" "Never say love is like anything." said Cleveland. "It isn't.

Being impeccable with your word is not using the word against yourself.

Work while others are wishing.