Sometimes I become the comedy jukebox. I read the emails, people give me requests.The shows are just amazing; they're packed with people and they're so much fun to do.

Chicken pot pie--those are my three favorite things.

I'm a YouTube star, let's put it that way!That sounds like a karaoke star with balls.

I heard the rumours,but the only blond people here [in Sweden] are the guys. And they all look like Ellen DeGeneres. It's Ellen DeGeneres world, and it's all guys! It's now switched.

I voted for Arnold Schwarzenegger 'cause I figured he can go back in the future. Put that in the act.

In the nineties, it was all women being blonde and from Sweden. But now it's changed: it's all men looking like Ellen DeGeneres.

Everyone goes "every comedian does Arnold Schwarzenegger". Yes, they do; but do they do Arnold Schwarzenegger in Brokeback Mountain?

I'm an amused observer. I don't bet or gamble; that's the worst thing.

I like football. I like baseball. When the pitcher and the batter start fighting, that's the best.

So I'll be bold, as well as strong, and use my head alongside my heart.

What do you call a rifle with three barrels?A trifle.

Why take drugs specifically designed to send you insane?

The best practical advice then is: try to maximize your expected payoff, which is the sum of all payoffs multiplied by probabilities.

I didn't choose to be the guy who talks about the mundane - it's just who I am and it's what kind of works for me.

I'm a diamond in the rough, a shiny piece of coal trying to reach my goal.

Art will not solve your problems. It will not enable you to live merrily.

I feel that I have an obligation to jazz and also to myself to play as good as I can play.

Thanks for the reminder that i have to hit the gym today. I have'nt worked out in days. Unless one counted mattress gymnastics!!!

Something to keep in mind - it’s raining lightly. The infield could be very wet on ground balls.