Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

We scarified a mosquito. I bet that's what did it. It was probably a virgin too.

It was so much easier to be angry. Being angry made him feel strong, even though-- and this contradiction did nothing to diminish his anger-- he was angry only because his position was so weak.

I am against nature. I don't dig nature at all. I think nature is very unnatural. I think the truly natural things are dreams, which nature can't touch with decay.

Once I wanted total happiness - now I will settle for a little less pain.

Acting is really therapeutic for me, personally. That's something that I'll always remember. I don't know how it's going to look, but I gave it my heart and soul.

This is an industry that doesn't have the common cold... It has cholera.

In fact, it is Shakespeare who gives us the map of the mind. It is Shakespeare who invents Freudian Psychology. Freud finds ways of translating it into supposedly analytical vocabulary.

Zen is less the study of doctrine than a set of tools for discovering what can be known when the world is looked at with open eyes.

Ugliness is a letter of credit for some special purposes.

I dreamed I saw the silver spaceships flying in the yellow haze of the sun. There were children crying and colors flying all around the chosen ones.