Print neatly. That's the kind of advice that the IRS considers a "dynamite" tax tip. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.

May the Lord grant you, your every desire.

I'll always prefer to play with women and hang out with women, and I'll always be a feminist.

Heaven help the American-born boy with a talent for ballet.

Vision is more than looking.

I think there is a whole older generation that will go to movies still. People like me; people over 45.

I don't understand why there needs to be a love interest to make women go see a film. I think society sort of makes us feel that way - that if you don't have a guy, you're worthless.

There are some that are - REM Behavior Disorder, we'll see some court documented cases. And they really need to have a thorough evaluation with a sleep specialist.