Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

I've known Nicholas Parsons for a fairly long time and his geniune pleasures are in rubber tubes, metal clips

There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected to manifest querulousness - the coffee's too hot, the boiled egg's too soft.

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their family and past.

I'd tell you to go to hell but I don't want to see you again.

I can have fairly crippling self-criticism. It doesn't really put me in a vulnerable state, I just get glum and intolerable, but it certainly is a vulnerability.

In its sentimental mode, compassion is an exercise in moral indignation, in feeling good rather than doing good ... In its unsentimental mode, compassion seeks above all to do good.

God pity the man of science who believes in nothing but what he can prove by scientific methods; for if ever a human being needed divine pity, he does.

The subject does not belong to the world; rather, it is a limit of the world.

The more sand has escaped from the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should see through it.

To me, the point of feminism is to be inclusive.

Only if I am going to die, I should prefer to die as I have lived, drunkenly.

When your Daemon is in charge, do not try to think consciously. Drift, wait, and obey.

Few are fit to be entrusted with themselves.