I've known Nicholas Parsons for a fairly long time and his geniune pleasures are in rubber tubes, metal clips

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected to manifest querulousness - the coffee's too hot, the boiled egg's too soft.

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their family and past.

It’s not that I wanted to die . I just wanted to go to sleep for long enough for my life to find some meaning again.

One desire, my friends, one: to kill yourself. You must desire this. You must feel that a voyage of discovery is more important than all the little trips which the normal consumer self wants to buy.

There are times when a sports figure doesn't deserve sympathy.

A worker must win the hearts and affections of the people before he can do any effective work.

I always had a very strong sense of independence.

It had already occurred to him that books were stuff, and that life was stupid.

If they are truly nonviolent, they must also realize that civil disobedience is an impossibility till the preliminary work of construction is done.

Some people will never change.

It's an indulgence to sit in a room and discuss your beliefs as if they were a juicy piece of gossip.