Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

Owning a racehorse is probably the most expensive way of getting on to a racecourse for nothing.

If anyone tells me I'm fat, I say, - That's because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit

I've known Nicholas Parsons for a fairly long time and his geniune pleasures are in rubber tubes, metal clips

There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected to manifest querulousness - the coffee's too hot, the boiled egg's too soft.

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

I was going to talk about Nicholas Parsons' ignorance, but 18 seconds would be a wholly insufficient time.

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their family and past.

The real virtue is not to be free from desires but to be content with what you have.

Your authority as a believer comes from Jesus’s triumph over the enemy.

I decided that a story was anything that I made up that kept the reader turning the pages or watching, and did not leave the reader or the viewer feeling cheated at the end.

The only proper purpose of a government is to protect man's rights, which means: to protect him from physical violence.

I think all old folk's homes should have striptease. If I ran one I'd have a striptease every week.

It's whatever sells; it's the business of it.

I have a great, great body.

Nothing is more intimidating than an idiotic grin worn by a manifest non-idiot.

As actors, we react to the material that's out there, and I probably just react more strongly to things that I feel will have some social value.

Whoever will imagine a perpetual confession of ignorance, a judgment without leaning or inclination, on any occasion whatever, hasa conception of Pyrrhonism.