Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

How we feel about those we give our business to is of vital importance.

Every time he saw her he realised the reason why they always said humans are made of stardust.

I feel age like an icicle down my back.

I love stretching in the morning. It's the first thing I do when I wake up because getting a good back-crack is so extremely satiating. I feel taller when I finally stand.

The fact that theyre a congressionally chartered group should no more incline people to give to that group than the fact that its National Pickle Month should make them eat more pickles.

Those as don't eat, without exception, fail to survive.

How in the world was I alone? Because I wanted to be. That's all I can say. It's all that makes sense to me.

There are limits to reforming a system that is dominated by these massive and rapacious corporations.

Certain people do need to stay in character the whole time, and that's just what they require as a person.

Every raindrop that falls is accompanied by an angel, for even a raindrop is a manifestation of being.