About a month before he died, my grandfather, we covered his back full of lard - after that he went downhill very quickly.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.

As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.

My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.

I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better.

I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number...She looked great going down the stairs.

If you're depressed and called Morgan spend the first half of the day in Germany for some positive affirmation.

Most of my relatives are police marksmen, apart from my grandad who was a bank robber. He died recently, surrounded by his family.

My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better

Kingdom priority is understood by disciples only

Leadership desperately needs women.

In war, we always deform ourselves, our essence.

Every Journey, no matter how far, starts with one step

What child has a heart to sing in this capricious clime of ours, when spring comes sailing in from the sea, with wet and heavy cloud-sails and the misty pennon of the east-wind nailed to the mast.

Rituals are important.

Without the spiritual world the material world is a disheartening enigma.

Just because it's true, I say as often as I can in as many ways as I can form, "I sure love you."

England is a nation of shopkeepers.

Civilization is over-rated, but there isn't much else.