No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.

Love. It doesn't change for any person to any person. It evolves.

Tie everyone you meet today with your garland of love and kindness.

Experience has two things to teach: The first is that we must correct a great deal the second that we must not correct too much.

no person will ever get into my blood as a place can ... People and things pass away, but not places.

I'm a star, no spangled banner

We are closest to people when we help them grow.

There's a reason I'm known - to bring people to Allah, to God.

We are not going back to the failed policies of the past. We are fighting for the middle class!

I think some of those guys might actually be better off if they had more wussy in them.

Life is painful, suffering is optional.