I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.

I am happy.I have something to accomplish, create, and achieve.I am happy.

Jesus has borne the death penalty on our behalf. Behold the wonder! There He hang upon the cross!

The true measure of your worth includes all the benefits others have gained from your success.

Girls are so often pitted against each other as enemies or adversaries. We even see it in 'Us' magazine: Who wore it better?

When the lights come on inside of you, everyone in the world can see a little better.

Sometimes you have to say, 'Today's just not my day.

We are in the middle of the most transforming technological event since the capture of fire.

Until I learned to love myself, I was never ever lovin' nobody else.

Silence is my weapon, silence is my shield.

The Negro cannot win the respect of his oppressor by acquiescing; he merely increases the oppressor's arrogance and contempt.