No government proposal more complicated than "This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private" ever works.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

The secret to a happy life is your attitude. If you think positively, positive things will happen. If you think negatively... well where is the happiness?

Her eyes burrow into my forehead like greedy grubs that want to feed off my private thoughts.

In microbiology the roles of mutation and selection in evolution are coming to be better understood through the use of bacterial cultures of mutant strains.

Whether beautiful or terrible, the past is always a ruin.

When I was really young, I wanted to be a history teacher because I was obsessed with the past.

Very few men are wise by their own council, or learned by their own teaching. For he that was only taught by himself, had a fool for a master.

You see the button with the guy with the tray, and you push it, and he arrives with a sandwich! And you think: "Yes! Yes! I control sandwich monkey! I live in magic land, magic land, magic land"

Man is unhappy because he doesn't know he's happy. If anyone finds out he'll become happy at once.

For some reason,we keep forgetting some of our experience. We look back but don't bring the value forward. We bring the anger, the upset. We bring the fear.

If success attends my steps, honor and glory await my name-if defeat, still shall it be said we died like brave men, and conferred honor, even in death, on the American Name.